Sigoni Macaroni
Lifestyle Parenting

9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life

One of the most amazing things about life is that each one of us is unique. We all come from different backgrounds, grown from different experiences, and learned from many mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes lead us down a dark path; a path that can sometimes spiral out of control. I’ve gone down this path and, honestly, I never thought I would rise from the trenches.

At the beginning of this week, I guest posted over on a very honest mommy blog called This Mommy is Real for a series related to moms who have overcome difficult situations. This topic not only hit home for me, but it gave me that shove to share my story and hopefully help others who could be in a similar situation.

In my story, I explained the most traumatic experience I’ve ever gone through (regarding domestic violence and manipulation) and how I rose from it. Today I’m going to go more in depth on how you can really get back up when you’ve fallen so far down. There is hope so don’t let yourself get to the point of feeling like there’s no return.

Before we get into these life-changing tips, I wanted to clear something up. If you read my story, I want you to know that I couldn’t possibly tell the entire story in only 1,100 words. If I told you every lie I was told along with the details of the mental abuse I endured, it would turn into a novel. You may think by this short excerpt that what I went through wasn’t that bad, but that’s only because I don’t want to waste your time with every detail. I would rather focus on helping YOU overcome the negative and rise above it.

Also, I can guarantee he’s reading this right now with a smile on his face. Which is another reason I’m not going to dive too much into the details of my particular situation. The past is the past. These tips I’m going to go over with you are the exact steps I took to take back my life.

>> Click here to read my guest post over on This Mommy is Real

When you’re finished, come back over here to find out how we’re going to get you back up and living the life you love.

9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life

 

9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life

1. Focus on YOU

First things first, focus on YOU. This is absolutely the most important aspect to moving forward. Self-care keeps you sane and level headed. To me, focusing on yourself means putting your needs first. Don’t worry about anyone else right now. Do something that makes you feel better about yourself or something that overall makes you happier.

Recently, I’ve read a few GREAT posts about self-care and I think you should check them out too.

The first is 9 Ways to Look After You. In this post, Yolanda lists 9 different ways to take care of yourself. Some of my favorite things I took away from this post are creating a gratitude journal, taking yourself on a date, and doing something you love.

The second self-care post is called the 30 Before 30 Challenge. I absolutely love what she did here. She turned turning 30 into something exciting rather than upsetting (30 isn’t old, but I understand where she’s coming from). Create a fun challenge for yourself! Writing up these fun goals AND achieving them will get you excited for life and give you something to look forward to. I wish I knew about this post back then. I’ll probably still do one now!

 

2. Find an Activity that Relaxes You

I obviously chose crochet and boy did it change my life. I chose this hobby because when I was younger I learned how to knit. This time I wanted to try something new. I instantly became hooked (pun intended) and soon it was all I could think about. After a long day at work, cooking, cleaning, spending time with my family, and whatever else; crochet was the most amazing thing I could have done with the little spare time that I had. While I was at work I couldn’t wait to come home and crochet because I knew it would free my mind so I could feel completely stress-free. This is the kind of hobby or activity you need to find for yourself.

What calms you down? Maybe listening to music? Drawing? Yoga or meditation? Find something and do it every time you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

>> Related: Learn to Crochet the Easy Way

9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life

3. Do Something You Love

Have you ever wanted to start your own business? Jump out of an airplane? What about shooting photography or attending a cooking class? Do it! We only live once. Make your life the BEST life you can possibly make it and do every single thing that makes you happy. You can’t depend on anyone else to make you happy. This is YOUR life. Only you can make you happy.

Back then, I was dragging my feet to work every day and because my boss took me for granted, I would come home cursing her name and complaining to my husband for hours. This isn’t the way to live. After months of my complaining with things only getting worse, he told me to quit. We put together a plan and I quit two weeks later. I have always been the artsy type and starting my own business was an absolute dream of mine for years. I found this to be the perfect time to take that leap.

Learning to crochet and starting a blog were the two best things I could have done for my life at that point. It lifted me up and gave me a purpose. Doing what you love instead of what you think you have to do will do the same for you as it did for me.

 

4. Single Mommas, I got you

I’ve been there. I know how you’re feeling. I was a single mom for two and a half years and guess what? It’s friggin tough. But guess what else? It teaches you a LOT, doesn’t it? You will learn how to juggle ANYTHING, all things, life itself. Being a single mom taught me not only how to multi-task like a queen, but it completely changed me as a person.

If you’re a single mom, get the thought of “I need a man, I hate being alone” out of your head. I thought the same thing and I know you are or have felt this way before. Let me tell you something. You do NOT need a man. Those who claim they need a man, end up settling and ultimately slump through life completely unhappy, FOR YEARS even. That time that they wasted knowing they weren’t with the right person, they could have found the one who was. Now that chance could be gone.

I never ever in a million years thought I would find the “one” for me. I didn’t even think he existed. My entire dating life was terrible. I was in two abusive relationships and one that was consumed of arguments all day every day. I honestly thought that that’s what I was destined for. Either alone or with a shitty person.

Then I stopped worrying about being alone and started focusing on myself. I’m not lying when I tell you my now husband asked me out on a date the week after I stopped worrying about finding a man. Stop searching for “the one”, I promise he will come to you. <3

 

5. Stop it with the “What if’s”

What if I did this instead of that? What if we worked things out? What if this happened 5 years ago instead of now? Stop it! The past is the past, you cannot change it no matter how much you want to. We tend to consume our minds with “what if” scenarios and part of us really wants to believe we can change it… but we can’t. A lot of the time we see this as an unfortunate circumstance, but in the end you’ll understand why I disagree.

The past is the past, you cannot change it no matter how much you want to. Click To Tweet

The moment you accept that there’s nothing you can do to rewind that particular situation, you will quicker be able to change your mindset. This will result in the actionable steps you take to overcome that situation rather than dwell on it. The more you choose to think this way, the more it will become a habit to think the same through any negative situation. Instead of stressing about the things you can’t control, learn from it and move forward.

 

6. Don’t Wallow in Self-Pity

This is the EASIEST thing to fall into when you’re going through a negative situation.

Why is this happening to me? What did I do in this game of life that made me deserve this? It’s not fair. Why do bad things always happen to me?

It’s normal to feel this way at first, but don’t get caught up in it. This mindset will only make you sink lower into the pit of unhappiness.

I cried and cried every night for a LONG time thinking about how stupid I was for letting myself be fooled and how I would never amount to anything. Then practically over night, I told myself that nothing would stop me from living the life I want. So I changed it.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, understand that yes you’re going through a hard time and you might have made a mistake but it’s time to take action. That’s the only way you’ll be able to move forward.

9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life

7. Don’t Be Afraid of Mistakes

We are who we are because of the experiences we endure, positive and negative. Mistakes, or negative experiences, mold us to become our best selves. That is, if you let it.

If you get hit with something negative over and over and over, it’s hard to see the light. But don’t you dare stay down. GET BACK UP! Create the life you love by acknowledging your mistakes and GROW from them! The things that happen in our lives don’t define us. What defines us is what we do in that situation and how we learn from it.

Every mistake you make (and if you’re like me you’ll make a ton) you need to take something from it. Vow to never make that mistake again and take it as learning what NOT to do next time. This applies in every situation! Learn from your mistakes and let them mold you into who you will become instead of dwelling on your failure.

 

8. Everything Happens for a Reason

I know a LOT of people hate hearing this, but in my experience it’s true and I think it might be for you too. Think about a time something AMAZING happened to you. Retrace your steps. How did you get there? Did something, anything, negative happen to bring you to that point? The answer is most likely yes.

If you read my guest post, you’ll see how one VERY traumatic experience turned my life into something like a fairy tale. Except instead of a happily ever after, it’s more like a very happy beginning.

As I stated in my story, if this situation didn’t occur, I wouldn’t have moved in with my sister, who has now become my best friend. My mom and I would still be fighting like we always were. I would still be stuck in the same soul-sucking town I had always wanted to escape. I would still be naïve and irresponsible. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have my son who is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me AND I wouldn’t have met the Fairy Tale Prince I call a husband whom I refused to believe existed.

Therefore, I rest my case. Everything happens for a reason.

 

9. Change Your Mindset

If the previous steps haven’t already helped you to do this, this one sure will.

Motivational videos: My husband is a big advocate for these. He’s the one who got me into them and I love him for it. David Goggins, my all-time favorite motivational speaker, is someone you need to listen to. He’s one of the reasons I’ve taken a completely different perspective on life. Do me a favor and watch this interview of his below. *strong profanity alert* Feel free to watch the entire video because it is empowering and beyond inspirational, but what completely changed my mindset is what he says starting at 00:04:40 and ending at 00:05:32.

Listening to motivational videos makes you look at life differently. It really does. It opens your eyes and really makes the world seem so much bigger than you thought before. I very much recommend listening to David Goggins and any other motivational compilations you can find over on YouTube. It will give you a new set of eyes.

David Goggins | Driven

It took me a while to rise above the traumatic experience that I went through, but I NEVER thought I would get to this point. Now that I have changed my mindset and I’ve followed each of these steps, I couldn’t be happier with my life.

I truly hope these 9 Life-Changing Steps to Take Back Your Life help you get back to living the life you love and if you know anyone who is going through a similar situation, please share this information with them. You’re not alone. <3

I’m going to end this extremely lengthy post with my favorite, well-suited quote:

“Shit happens. If life was simple and easy, there would be no stories. A great story starts when shit happens.” – Simeon Lindstrom

Because we’re on the subject I feel that this is needed.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Verbal and Mental Abuse are both as much a part of Domestic Violence as Physical. If you need help, please reach out. Even if you don’t call the hotline, send me an email: sigonimacaroni@yahoo.com

You are not alone. ❤

 

How do you motivate yourself to get back up after going through a difficult situation? What kinds of things relax you or help you to de-stress? Have you gone through a similar situation?

 

 

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28 Comments

  • Reply
    Keri
    February 8, 2018 at 10:36 am

    These are some wonderful tips! I am sorry about what you had to go through. You are inspiring!

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 8, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      Thank you! I’m really hoping to be able to inspire those who may be in a similar situation to gain the confidence to take their lives back ❤️

  • Reply
    Tabitha L Jozwick
    February 8, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    I need to get back to cross stitching

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 8, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      You definitely should. Find a way to make time for it if it’s something you really love to do

  • Reply
    Amy
    February 8, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    What wonderful tips! I love that you are so bravely talking about such a hard topic and inspiring other women!

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 8, 2018 at 10:06 pm

      Thank you so much Amy! <3 It is something that has been on my mind for a long time now so I've had time to work up the courage! But ultimately, I know there are people out there who have gone through similar situations and when I was going through it, I wish I had someone by my side who understood. That's what motivated me to write this post <3

  • Reply
    Kalyn
    February 9, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Thank you for your courage to share so openly! Life is such a wild ride. I’m glad you’ve gotten back on your feet and now have this platform to inspire and encourage other women.

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 9, 2018 at 3:30 pm

      Life is definitely a wild ride filled with so many tests and challenges! But all worth it if you know how to shape yourself around it. Thank you! ❤️

  • Reply
    Leslie
    February 9, 2018 at 8:50 am

    I needed this! I need to do a few things different in my life. I’m pinning this as a reminder.

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 9, 2018 at 3:31 pm

      That makes me so happy to hear! Good luck in everything you do and remember you’re not alone ❤️

  • Reply
    Tami
    February 9, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    What an inspiring post and these are wonderful tips! I’m so sorry that you had to go through what you went through. I was in a similar situation. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring other women! <3

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 9, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      I’m happy to be able to share my story in hopes that it inspires someone to take back their life! I’m sorry that you’ve gone through a similar situation but I’m glad to see you’re still doing what you love!

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    February 9, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story and these tips! It can definitely be hard. I found out that grand parenting is both my hobby, and my self care. Nothing fills me up more than when my grand daughter tells me we are friends. Great tip too to not be afraid of mistakes.

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 9, 2018 at 3:44 pm

      That sounds like an amazing form of self care!! I bet you’re a wonderful grandmother! So happy your grandchildren bring you so much joy ❤️

  • Reply
    vian
    February 10, 2018 at 5:55 am

    Don’t wallow on self-pity, That’s great! Sometime feel I’m useless but I believe God is my refuge..

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 10, 2018 at 9:54 pm

      He is! And don’t feel that way! Everyone has a purpose. You just have to reach out and find yours. Don’t get caught up in things you think you have to do. Do whatever it is that makes you happy and don’t worry about what others may think. You got this ❤️

  • Reply
    ShootingStarsMag
    February 10, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I think these are fantastic tips. I like to think that everything happens for a reason too…and I’m ALL about finding things that make you happy!

    -Lauren

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 11, 2018 at 5:46 pm

      Yes absolutely! No point in doing things that don’t make us happy! We can do anything as long as we make the effort to work for it <3

  • Reply
    Michelle Stelly
    February 13, 2018 at 6:45 am

    Great tips!!! Love them! So I started my travel blog and it has helped me so much with my happiness. At times I feel like I feel like giving up but then I remember how happy I am when someone reads my post. I just got to keep at it and not give up. Thanks for the tips!

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 15, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      Yes, definitely! Don’t give up. If you’re not where you want to be yet, you will get there! If you have one person reading your post, that’s already one person who has taken time out of their day to read something YOU wrote! More will follow with a little bit of hard work! <3

  • Reply
    Yolanda
    February 13, 2018 at 3:56 pm

    Such an inspirational post. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I suffered at the hands of violence in a relationship when I was really young (15/16), so I can completely relate. I don’t like to talk about it, but let’s just say it taught me about what NOT to look for in a relationship and man – I was SO young – I didn’t have a clue. Thank goodness for all the great relationships I had after that and finally meeting the beautiful man I married. Things do work out 🙂

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 15, 2018 at 2:35 pm

      I’m so happy to hear that Yolanda! I’m so sorry that you went through that when you were at such a young age. But I’m so glad that you learned from it and going through that experience showed you the way to your husband! So happy for you and I wish you all the happiness the world can bring! <3

  • Reply
    Yvette
    February 13, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Thanks for sharing, it is so great to be supportive in showing others that getting back up is always possible. Loved it.

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 15, 2018 at 2:37 pm

      Thank you! As much as I hate talking about it, I hoped the message would resonate with someone and hopefully teach them to gain the courage to change their life. Even if my story changes ONE person’s perspective, I would be beyond happy to have helped them come to that.

  • Reply
    Brittany
    February 13, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    This is such a good post. You’re really inspiring and motivating!

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 15, 2018 at 2:39 pm

      Thank you so much! As I told Yvette, even if my story changes ONE person’s perspective, I would be thrilled to hear that they took back their life when they never thought they could. I know it’s hard, but it’s possible.

  • Reply
    Brittany Lauren Bergman
    February 14, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    These are so good and so important! It took me a while to realize the different between an activity I love and an activity that relaxes me. I do think of writing as self-care, but it does NOT relax me. I have to read to unwind!

    • Reply
      Sigoni Macaroni
      February 15, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      Yes exactly! I should have been more clear on that too, there definitely is a difference. For me, crochet is an activity I LOVE and of course it does relax me most of the time. But when I’m feeling stressed about work or feeling overwhelmed, I choose to draw. Drawing completely takes my mind off of everything and all I focus on is the paper in front of me and the pencil in my hand. <3

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